• Plan vacations near college campuses. Casual college visits can begin when families are vacationing close to colleges and universities.
• Set academic expectations at an early age. Encourage good grades and select a curriculum that is bound to help your child succeed.
• Introduce your child to various activities that will interest her. Then help your child find the extracurricular activity that’s right for her–one that supports her future career interests.
• Be realistic about paying for college. Since most people can’t write a check for all four years, it’s best to think in thirds. If at all possible, save a third before your child reaches college. Assume that while she is in college, parents and child will have to pay for a third in current dollars, and then plan to borrow the remaining third.
• Start sniffing out scholarships early. Many are available through community organizations, corporations and other non-profit funds.
• Begin teaching time management at an early age. A plan book is a good way for students to keep track of their school responsibilities and assignments.
• Instill the importance of sound financial management at an early age. Basic budgeting skills should be taught when your child is young–long before he is tempted to spend his entire savings during the first week of fall quarter.
• Finally, make sure your son or daughter knows how to study. Surprisingly, many kids get through high school without ever learning this skill. Waiting until their first quarter of college to learn is a bit risky.

Remember, the last thing on your child’s mind is college. In fact, it probably seems like light years away. But for you, it arrives all too soon. Like retirement, it’s best to be prepared. 

How about you? As a parent, what are you doing to prepare for your child’s transition to college? Share your tips.

I remember the day the realtor showed us our house, complete with nearly a half acre of grass, mature trees and flower beds. My mom said, “You know, that’s an awful lot of yard to take care of.” What? How could that be a problem, I thought. After all, doesn’t it just sort of take care of itself? It didn’t take me long to realize how wrong I was. In fact, yard work is time consuming, back breaking–and expensive. Keeping up with the Joneses is a never-ending challenge.

Then we had kids–or at least our kids grew. Soon, they were big enough to push lawnmowers, plant flowers and pull weeds. Surely they’d help. Trouble was, their enthusiasm lasted about five minutes. After the novelty of the lawnmovwer wore off, our luck had run its course. Soon, it went something like this: Our three kids divided the yard into three sections, with the idea that they’d each mow a section. Fierce fights ensued over who had the backyard (our daughter never wanted to be seen by her friends if they happened to drive by when she was mowing); when the mowing would take place (certainly on their schedule–not ours); and when it actually needed to be mowed (how do you spell m-a-c-h-e-t-e?) Yes, it really is easier to do it yourself.

Now two of our kids are out of the house, leaving only our youngest child to help with the outdoor chores. One thing is certain: I’m not getting my hopes up that my youngest child will suddenly develop a renewed enthusiasm for doing yardwork. In fact, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that he may have to be bribed. Perhaps I should have listened to my own mother–16 years ago.

Share your stories. Do your kids help with the outdoor chores? If so, do you pay them for their efforts? Or, do you think kids should help simply because they are part of the family? And while we’re on the subject, do you enjoy doing yardwork? What do you like or dislike about it?

In the article, Seinfield summarizes his philosophy for raising kids in three points, which he calls “the poison Ps.” Here they are:

1. Praise: We tell our kids, “Great job!” too much, he says.
2. Problem-solving: We refuse to let our children have problems. Problem-solving is the most important skill to develop for success in life, and we for some reason can’t stand it if our kids have a situation that they need to ‘fix.’ Let them struggle–it’s a gift, he says.
3. Pleasure: We give our kids too much pleasure.

I have to admit, this makes a heck of a lot of sense. As I look back over 25 years of parenting, the second point about problem-solving really stands out in my mind. It’s a parent’s natural reaction to want to fix things for their child. But that can be a very big mistake. It’s better if you let your kids fail. When they struggle, they learn how to solve problems–and they do it on their own. Resist the temptation to run to their rescue. 

The other two may be a bit more controversial, and admittedly, they sound somewhat counterintuitive. But they’re not. When you really think about it, you’re not doing your child any favors by overpraising him or supplying too much pleasure. When you do these things, you present a false picture of what life is all about. Yes, some praise is good. Too much is not realistic. Yes, a little pleasure now and then is undeniable. But not too much.

According to the article, just as Seinfield was explaining his last “P” to the writer, a mother and her three young daughters entered the deli where they were conducting the interview. Seinfield and Coben watched as she bought three huge cookies for the girls. Aghast, Seinfield said, “It’s 5:30 p.m.–when will they have dinner? At 8?”

Three rules of parenting from Jerry Seinfield? I never would’ve guessed it. Just the same, I’ll be adding the “poison Ps” to my parenting repertoire.  And you?

Years ago I developed a strategy designed to solve the problem–one that I believed would keep me sane. If, like me, you want to hold on to the memories but you don’t have room to house them all, here are my tips for chronicling your child’s growing years–without renting an extra storage unit.

1. Create a memory box for each child. I bought three, rather large plastic containers at the big-box store. Three kids, three containers–each one labeled with a child’s name. From Day One everything went into those boxes. A locket of hair from a first haircut? Check. The program from a dance recital? Check. First valentine? Check. A seashell from a vacation on the beach? Check. A favorite art project? Check. Well, you get the idea. As your child grows, so does the number of items in the box.

2. Take a photo of anything too large to fit in the memory box. The first time I feared that my plan might backfire was the day my middle son brought home a large paper mache art project. It was the giant, blue head of a monster, about 2 1/2 feet tall and a good 2 feet wide. And he was so proud of it! We hung onto it long enough for the novelty to wear off (a few weeks), and then we took a photo of him with the “monster” and placed the photo in the memory box.

3. Be selective about what you save. Kids grow up fast, and you can save an awful lot of memorabilia in 18 years. If your child plays lacrosse all four years of high school, the program from one banquet is probably all you need to save. Better yet, a DVD of one of his better games may be the best way to hold on to his finer moments on the field. Whatever it is, think hard before you save it. Is it something your child will look back on fondly years down the road? Or, is is something easily forgotten? It’s not hard to tell the difference. You can’t save it all, so save the best.

As of right now, all three boxes are still in my basement. I have not yet reached the point where a box gets turned over to a grown child, and I don’t really have a plan for making that transition. My oldest is out of the house and living on her own, and as you can imagine, I don’t put much in her box anymore.

I’d like to hear your thoughts and ideas. What’s the best way to transfer a boxful of memories to your child? And when? Let your creative side speak! Share your thoughts and stories.

So when our daughter, age 13 at the time, attended her first middle school dance, he volunteered to pick her up when the dance was over. And since I was busy with our two boys, he snuck out of the house before I could see what he was wearing. Being the punctual fool that he is, he arrived early and decided to go into the dance. (Mistake #1) He entered the school wearing an old pair of gym shorts, a t-shirt left over from his college days–and his slippers! (Mistake #2) Within seconds, he was on her friends’ radar. In less than a minute, she was ushering him to the car. Our embarrassed daughter made it clear that night that if that’s the way her father was going to dress when he picked her up–she’d rather walk, thank you.

Years later, it’s one of those things we can all laugh about, and we often do. Still, we learned something about being a parent that night: Every so often, it’s a good idea to put yourself in your child’s shoes. Remember what it was like and how you felt when you were in a similar situation with your own goofty parents. The tables turn quickly. Stay alert.

Now share your most embarrassing moment as a parent. Or, tell about a time when your parents totally humiliated you.

Interestingly, it was only four years ago that I wrote a short piece for Woman’s Day about kids and cell phones. That article, which asked if kids even need a cell phone, seems like ancient history compared to where we are today. While it dealt with the pros and cons of letting your child have a cell phone, today it’s more about monitoring those cell phones. Now that many kids have them, parents are wondering how they can limit use so that it doesn’t interfere with daily activities like doing homework, eating–even sleeping! That’s right. Some parents complain that their kids aren’t getting adequate sleep because they are awakened by text messages throughout the night. Family dinners are interrupted with non-stop calls and texts, and homework time competes with the lure of connecting with friends.

Knowing all this, I’d like to hear how you monitor cell phone use in your house. One mom I know takes custody of her daughter’s cell phone during the evening hours. Some parents insist that it’s turned off for the night.

What are the rules in your house? Do you limit the number of calls and texts? Are cell phones banned in your child’s school? Do you think your child’s cell phone is a distraction? Do you make your child earn cell phone time?

Because we’re juggling cars these days, last night I picked him up from the store after his 9-hour shift. I parked the car in the cold parking lot and watched as the lights to the grocery store slowly diminished, a sure sign that the day had finally come to an end. And then I thought about how many times I had waited in that parking lot over the years. My son started working at Huffman’s Market when he was still a freshman in high school. In fact, I can still remember sitting in the parking lot when he entered the store to ask for a job. It took several tries before he finally gained the courage to approach the owner. That surprised me, since his sister had already worked at the store for a couple of years. And I had been a regular Huffman’s shopper for a long time.

So, last night I figured that I’ve been waiting in that parking lot for about eight years. I’ve watched two of my kids go from baggers to cashiers. And my son eventually worked in the office. This is where they learned the meaning of hard work, the importance of being on time and maybe even the value of a dollar.  

Huffman’s Market is the kind of place you hope your teenagers will be lucky enough to find a job. It’s all about neighborhood and community. Mr. Huffman was the grand marshall for the Fourth of July Parade two summers ago. Inside the store, people greet each other by first name. The workers all wear polo shirts that say “Huffman’s Market.” Their meat department is the closest thing you’ll ever get to an old-fashioned butcher. Mrs. Huffman’s homemade pot pies are available in the deli case. And now Mr. Huffman’s son is assuming many of the store’s responsibilities. Unfortunately, it’s a dying breed; there aren’t many places like it on this planet.

Now that my daughter has graduated from college and moved on to other things and my son returns to college next week, are my days of waiting in the Huffman’s parking lot numbered? Not if my 14-year-old son has anything to say about it. He sees working at Huffman’s as a rite of passage. And I think he’s about ready to make his move–if they’ll have him.

Do your teenagers have a job? Do you think teens should work? Do they have time? What does it teach them?

Six months ago our 24-year-old daughter decided to rent a house with three of her best girlfriends in a trendy area of the city. It is a 20-something’s dream–an oversized brick house built in the late 1800s, complete with a grand piano in the foyer and a pool table in the living room. An upscale renovated kitchen. High ceilings with old-fashioned crown molding. Hardwood floors. Loaded with character, it’s the perfect hangout. They rented it for a song from a guy who had to move to LA, and immediately they made it their own with a fresh coat of paint.

We, however, were not thrilled. The house is located about three blocks from a less-than-desirable neighborhood. And it’s no secret that the crime rate in the area is high. Couldn’t four young women find a more suitable residence, we said? But this was me the parent talking. When I was her age, I lived in Downtown Boston, rode the subway everywhere and frequently entered my apartment late at night. It’s amazing how different you feel about things as a parent. Suddenly I sounded like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride when he insisted that his daughter was too young to get married–only to be reminded by his wife, played by Diane Keaton, that they were already parents at that same age!

So when the news of her roommate’s experience reached our ears, it was our we-told-you-so moment. Instead, we bit our tongues. The truth is, kids grow up, and they make their own decisions. As parents, we can counsel, and naturally we can be there for them. But in the end, it’s their life. And well, sometimes that’s just a little bit scary.

How about you? Is it hard to let go of your adult children?

What’s your scariest moment as a parent?

Thank you for the Power Ranger. Green is my favorite color. And a picture of the green sensation consumed the page.

Then I dutifully addressed the envelopes and mailed them to the friends and relatives who had sent them gifts and money during the holidays. Ditto for birthdays. As they grew, the notes naturally got more sophisticated. Throughout elementary school, I let them get away with one-sentence notes–maybe two. When high school hit, I expected literary brilliance. (Not really.) Whatever the case, they always knew that sometime between Christmas and New Year’s, the thank-you notes would appear on the kitchen counter–a subtle hint for them to take care of business.

So in spite of the fact that they grew up in a world where instant gratification is king, I now have kids who write thank-you notes. Not via email or Twitter or Facebook. Nope. Only longhand and snail mail will do. I don’t demand perfection. Just a line or two of thanks. Why? Because who doesn’t deserve at least a simple thank you for their efforts? 

Here are a few of my tips to jumpstart the process:

• Don’t demand perfection. Let your child convey the message his or her way–even if that means making a few mistakes. In this case, it really is the thought that counts.
• Make it fun. Choose stationery that suits your child’s personality. And for young kids, pull out all the stops! That means plenty of glitter, ink stamps, stickers and lots of colorful markers.
• Be flexible. For instance, if your child wants to design his own thank-you note on the computer, that’s fine. Doing it his way gives him ownership in the process.
• Don’t procrastinate. The longer you wait, the harder it is to truly express your thanks. And of course, you don’t want it to appear like an afterthought.
• Consider your child’s age and attention span. If all she can do is write “thanks” and sign her name, so be it. And it’s okay to take breaks. Writing what seems like an endless stack of thank-you notes in one session can be a real turn-off.
• Start the process at an early age. As your child grows, he will automatically accept it as the norm.

A few days later, Bonnie returned home from work and shopping, arms full of bags, to find her three teenagers watching TV. That’s when her son flatly informed her about the state of destruction in the other room. By the way, Mom, the Christmas tree fell.  And sure enough, Bonnie found the tree face down on the carpeting–bulbs, tinsel and ornaments strewn everywhere. In spite of the mess, her kids remained nearly motionless. 

If you are the parent of a teen, this post is no surprise to you. As kids get older, they still want Christmas and all the hoopla that surrounds it. Unfortunately, they just want you to do all the work. But like all things, this, too, will pass. So count to 10. Keep smiling. Focus on the true meaning of Christmas. And most of all, realize that the teenage years don’t last forever. So enjoy. And keep that Christmas tree vertical for at least another few days.